Procrastination – A self-made monster

Do you know this insidious monster that haunts you every time you’re not aware of? I’m sure it was after you too. Maybe it was attractive and lured you into things you love, like scrolling through your Instagram feed or watching your favorite YouTube videos. Maybe it glued you to the recent intriguing book you got or to the phone chit chatting with a friend. 

Oh, I know its tricks all too well by myself and I confess I gave in too many times. But now I’m fighting my way out of this trickster’s claws and bringing about a rebound.  

Ok, let’s be real. It’s quite comfortable creating an image like this in one’s mind and often it’s absolutely necessary to be able to identify where certain stagnations are coming from. But knowing and doing something about it are two very different animals, so I started actively working on this issue that I’m having an unhealthy relationship with on and off in my life. I guess deep down inside I always wondered where this is coming from, but now I’m coming to a point where I have to face it and do something about it. Especially now where my heart centered business is within my grasp.

Adressing this issue in Tarot readings seemed a good way for me getting to the bones of the matter. So I researched Tarot spreads and found this one created by Beth Maiden from Little Red Tarot. It's called 'Finding your Mojo' and is simple and helpful kick ass spread to get unstuck.

© Joie de Vivre U.S. Games Syst.c.2011. All rights reserved.

Although it really was a kick right up the ass with some pretty amazing cards showing up, I searched for more. And while I was listening to exclusive video content by Kelly-AnnMaddox where she addressed a similar issue, it triggered something and it almost felt like an afflatus. I grabbed a pen and started to sketch a spread. It came very naturally to me and I’m happy to share it with all of you who are fighting procrastination in their lives and wonder about their part in this play and how to move on from that. Cut through all self-made obstacles with this faithful blade.

1. Which obstacles am I constantly building up that stop me from stepping into my power?

2. What does my Shadow think the reason for this is?

3. a - b What steps will lead me out of that?

4. An affirmation that will empower me.

Will you seize the blade?

The Woes of a Magpie

Are you one of my kind? Tell me I’m not the only one. Did it happen to you too, this bug that bit you and magically transformed you into this feathery treasure hunter? It certainly happened to me and now I spread my wings and fly out into the world of wonderful things made of paper, color and great skill. These things are following me during my day and keep my mind busy, although there is a lot of stuff that wants to be done, important stuff. Poppycock, could there be anything so important, so magnificent and illuminating as those treasures that are like doors into another world?! Mysteries are waiting for you behind those doors and they want to be experienced, want to get solved. But the downside is, there is not only just one world, there are many and I feel the urge to want to know them all. But is that even possible? It’s a dilemma. It’s one of the many woes of a deck magpie.

So Tarot World Day is over sadly, but I spent it in the most appropriate way…researching decks and looking out for a new Tarot treat. But as always there was this feeling of ‘Which deck should I choose?’ that is always bugging me. And not for the first time I was also asking myself ‘What the heck are you doing here?’. There is so much else to do and I was lurking for the next deck, although I just had gotten some new. 

And as I was scrolling through my Instagram feed yesterday, marvelling at Tarot pictures, I stumbled over a spread called ‘Silly Deck Addiction Spread’ by TarotProse, that a fellow Instagramer found on Facebook and I thought ‘Oh well this sounds like fun and maybe I’ll get some insights’. 

To give you a bit more details about my feelings regarding my ever growing deck obsession let’s just say that I’m a little bit worried. Last year I started with just one deck and I’m up to about 20 now (tarot decks alone). I should have known better, because since I’m a child I tend to collect things. Whether it were stones I collected while playing outside (my Mom was not amused finding all those stones in my trouser pockets) or collecting postcards of favorite illustrators up until this day, I always was attracted by pretty things, but who isn’t really.

But now I found a new focus to rest my collector’s eye on: Tarot and oracle decks. There are simply so many amazing decks by amazing people out there that simply just want to be collected. Or not? What is this part in me that turns into a magpie every time I’m getting aware of a new deck?  

The time addressing that in a tarot spread was long overdue for me. So come on tarot, what is my problem? Why researching all the time? Why do I get thrilled, when I see a deck that resonates with me? Why do I feel this occupation of the mind, even in times, when there are certainly more important things to do? Where is the crux of the matter? Tell me everything, Tarot. Don’t spare me. What is the nasty truth?

So  I shuffled, I cut and I drew the four cards….

I was gobsmacked and laughed out loud, especially when I saw card number 3 and 4. Either the deck or my higher self had a good sense of humor. Ok, after all it was just a spread for fun, but nonetheless it confirmed things that I either already knew or dreaded facing.

The Hierophant represented this thirst for more knowledge that is always there when I ‘scan’ new decks. It is this feeling of finally finding the key to the ultimate truths that are lying beneath all these layers of meaning in the cards. This could turn out like the search for the Holy Grail, that one deck that knows all.

The second card showed me that money was not the issue, because I only spent those bucks that were coming from offering my helping support to those, who can’t physically help themselves anymore.

The Fool reminded me of myself playing the innocent every time my boyfriend is asking me how many decks I have and I shrug and simply say that I don’t know. Honestly, maybe I don’t want to. 

Now the last card really cracked me up and shocked me a bit at the same time. The World, are you kidding me? I certainly can’t collect them all or at least, when I’m feeling fulfilled. When will that be? Should I be alarmed? What’s the answer to this?

You want an answer?

Yes, please, Magpie.

You think you can bear it?

Absolutely yes.

It’s passion, no more, no less.

The Alternative Tarot Course by Little Red Tarot

I came across this online course a while ago, maybe around summer last year and was fascinated by it, still was hesitant for whatever reason. It wasn't about the price, because that was very affordable ($25). But for some mysterious reason I waited for the 'right' time to do it. And it appears to be that this time has come now.

This course, designed by Beth Maiden, creatrix of Little Red Tarot has a different approach to tarot courses and doesn't stick to text book meanings and how to memorize them. It is about getting more confident using the cards, about their interactions, performing not only readings for yourself, but also for friends and training your intuition. But the most important thing you could learn is having fun while doing it.

This is an 8 weeks course that you can approach whenever you have time and which will always be available once you have purchased it. My goal is to share with you some of the insights I will gain from this course during the next 8 weeks and musings that might come up.


Week 1 - What is tarot to me?

One of the interesting insights the first week of this course brought up for me was, getting clear what I don't believe about tarot. Only a couple of month back I nearly freaked out when the Tower and the Death card showed up in my first yearly spread I ever did for myself. But thanks to the great and supportive online tarot community, who shared all their wisdom regarding 'difficult cards', my understanding of them and the tarot in general grew over the next month.

One of the first reactions of people I know is: 'Oh, I couldn't stand knowing something about my future.' This to me was also one of the big misconceptions and also superstitions I had about tarot. You draw a card and your future is written in stone. It is actually quite interesting that in a time of science and modern technology, long after the Age of Enlightenment, some of us still are that superstitious.

So what is my view on what tarot can be? A useful tool to untangle the mysteries of the psyche and bring more clarity in everyday situations as well as issues, that lay deeply burried in the subconscious. It is also a tool of empowerment and helpful, when I want to manifest things through my conscious actions. I'm sure that tarot can offer me insights about which way to go or which decision to make. But I don't believe that a set of cards can predict a future, which will be your fate without any doubt. Surely tarot can be a signpost, but you alone are the one, who decides whether to follow or ignore it. And if a set of cards show up in a spread, regarding the next few months or what the possible outcome of a situation is and you don't like the outcome, then change it. Tarot is a reminder of things that could need some attention in your life. It's also a focus point, when you want to bring a certain energy into your life, which supports you in changing your habits or moving away from unhealthy mindsets. Cause it all starts in your mind, the most powerful and magical tool of all. It may begin with a tarot reading, but in the end it is you, who's making the difference.


Exercises - What Tarot Reader Am I ?

Part of the first exercise of the Alternative Tarot Course (ATC) was a simple 6 card spread to explore, what kind of Tarot Reader I might be. It brought up interesting new perspectives and revealed my slowly growing need, not only using the things I learn for myself, but also for others. I already performed my first reading for a friend and it was a really special experience.

To be able to achieve it, this course can be really helpful to sort out my difficulties with the courts, dealing with bigger spreads, creating my own, finding my code of ethics, dealing with tricky cards and learning many more juicy things.

My hope is to move away step by step from text book meanings and finding my unique view on the cards. It's surely not going to get achieved by participating in one online course, but it's another part of finding my very own approach to the cards on my journey with the tarot. It is a work in progress and I'm curious, what I will think about this blog post in a few months time or in years to come.

If I could choose 3 words to describe, especially the last months of my journey, I would choose, inspired, passionate and hungry for more. Ok, a bit more than just 3 words, but I guess you get what I mean. It is the fuel that keeps me going, keeps me exploring and be happy as a child about my discoveries. But how to maintain that fire, if the massive beast, that tarot tarot could be, starts to overwhelm you?

One of the key things for me is persistence. Keep it rolling, even if it seems overwhelming at first. Focus on one thing after the other. Especially the last one is sometimes hard to follow for me, cause in my tarot enthusiasm, I'm sometimes all over the place, considering the abundant resources in terms of books, blogposts and videos. It can leave a feeling of getting lost in all of that.


But when I feel like that, I remember a passage from one of my favourite books, Momo by Michael Ende. There is a character called Beppo, who is a street cleaner and when being asked how he approaches his work, he says:

"You must never think of the whole street at once, understand? You must only concentrate on the next step, the next breath, the next stroke of the broom, and the next, and the next. Nothing else.

That way you enjoy your work, which is important, because then you make a good job of it. And that's how it ought to be.

And all at once, before you know it, you find you've swept the whole street clean, bit by bit. what's more, you aren't out of breath. That's important, too... ” 

Many Blessings

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Are you also interested in the Alternative Tarot Course? You can find it here

One year ago....

....I started my Tarot journey and it has been an amazing one so far. When I look back where I started and where I am now, I'm stunned. That being said I have to be honest that the hardcore studying part of this cartomancy system only began in December last year. Before that it was all about admiring the artwork of different Tarot decks and occasionally drawing one card and trying to remember the meanings. It was a time of me getting acquainted with the cards.

One thing that intrigued and still does is the story telling aspect of the Tarot. It's like a picture story, where a Tarot reader has to find the narrative within a constellation of cards. This always brings back memories of the first essay we had to write in primary school. All we got were a bunch of pictures that where thrown on the wall via an overhead projector. It was about a dog in the kitchen, ogling a bowl of dumplings on the kitchen table and it was clear that this dog wanted them so badly. The other pictures suggested how she (it was clearly a she to me, cause I had a she-dog back then) could propably get herself in the right position to munch them right away.

As a girl of 8 or 9 years I was electrified to imagine, I was the one that was allowed to find the words for this picture story. I just simply ignored my classmates, who had to do the same. From that moment I loved making up my own stories, but also finding stories in pictures. I had a strong visual imagination and was always drawn to writing, drawing or painting, but also immersing myself in the art of others. It is no wonder then Tarot and also oracle cards are having such an impact on me.

Since the beginning of 2016 my journey with the Tarot is now on a whole other level. I started to delve into hard core studies, I swapped ideas and musings with the gorgeous Tarot community online, took part in challenges, used the cards for shadow work or manifestations and journaled a lot on spread meanings. This urge to learn is like a fire. It is simply that I can't pass by a stack of Tarot cards without feeling the need to shuffle and see, what wisdom they have to offer.

It is the same thrilling feeling that runs through my veins, when I'm puzzling over a card spread, the same feeling the little girl had, when she was given the task of choosing the right words to bring those pictures on the wall of the classroom to life.

I'm excited what I will further learn about and through the Tarot. I'm eager to explore how it will aid my spiritual practice as well as my creative endeavours. From what I've experienced so far it will be an amazing journey.